


Not a Good Day

by Mapachi



Category: 1TEAM (Band), Seven O'Clock (Band), 믹스나인 | MIXNINE (TV), 소년24 | BOYS24 (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 01:23:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16231286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mapachi/pseuds/Mapachi
Summary: Hangyeom wonders if he should pretend to be sleeping when inevitably the door opens but he quickly throws the idea away, there is no way he would buy his act. He sends a small prayer to whoever is listening, asks for strength, for the dark cloud to leave him alone.





	Not a Good Day

**Author's Note:**

> Back again real quick! I'm sorry because it's even more angst! Hope you still enjoy this.

The moment he opens his eyes he knows today is not a good day.

The silence in the room is enough for him to be able to take in a deep breath, he’s alone. Slowly he turns around, his hand reaching to touch the space next to him on the bed, frowning when he feels the temperature, the bedsheet still warm meaning the other boy must still be inside the apartment.

Hangyeom wonders if he should pretend to be sleeping when inevitably the door opens but he quickly throws the idea away, there is no way he would buy his act. He sends a small prayer to whoever is listening, asks for strength, for the dark cloud to leave him alone.

He sits up, the blanket pooling on his lap and he feels like he’s fighting his own body when he moves to stand up, his legs feel way too heavy. His hands go up to rub at his eyes in an attempt to wake up properly, he rubs at them until they hurt a little and he stops.

A familiar beeping comes from the direction of the kitchen and Hangyeom sighs again, he knows he has to go out there and put a smile on his face to not worry him, after all the least he wants is to trouble him, he has done damage enough.

He stands up and makes his way outside the bedroom and to the kitchen area, he whispers a good morning to the back of a slightly taller male, accepting the cup of coffee he’s offered and quickly busying his mouth with it, ignoring the warning resulting in a burned tongue but he doesn’t flinch away only closes his lips and pressing his tongue to the roof of his mouth.

_“You_ _gotta_ _be more careful_ _Hangyeom_ _-ah really,”_

Hangyeom forces an apologetic smile and Rubin shakes his head at him, his hand reaching up and towards him, Hangyeom barely holding back from leaning back away from his touch as the brunet brushes his mess of black hair into something more decent, his gesture something that on a good day would make Hangyeom smile and ears go pink.

But today is not a good day.

Instead he feels that growingly familiar darkness wraps around his heart and mind, thoughts about him not deserves that kindness clouding his mind. The worst part is not being able to fight back against that voice because he knows it's true.

After he had done to him he didn’t deserve to be treated with such kindness, didn’t deserve such a caring lover like Rubin.

A frown forms on Rubin’s handsome face and Hangyeom curses internally, realizing he had allowed his mask to crumble, Rubin having been quick to see the way Hangyeom’s eyes dulled, his usual spark nowhere to be found.

It was not the first time Hangyeom’s mask cracked, Rubin had already noticed some signs on Hangyeom’s bad days, the older would usually just pretend to not see anything and distract the younger, be it with a story about what had happened at work the day before –Hyunsuk’s and Byounggon’s  turned the office into a mess more often than not- or with an impromptu invite to their favorite bakery down the street.

But unlike those times Rubin doesn’t pretend everything is okay.

Hangyeom’s eyes widens when Rubin takes his hand in his and pulls him to follow him to the living area and sit down with him on the couch. His expression shows how concerned he is, his eyes asking a million questions Hangyeom doesn’t want to answer today not ever.

Questions he knows Rubin deserves an answer for.

_“Talk to me_ _Hangyeom_ _,”_

Rubin’s voice is soft, as if he was talking to a small animal that could run away if he were to speak any louder. Hangyeom knows pretending to not know what he is asking would be too much. He looks away from him instead staring at their hands, Rubin’s thumb moving back and forth on the back of Hangyeom’s hand in an attempt to comfort him.

Guilt.

He feels so much guilt, the ugly feeling tries to take over him and he feels his eyes water with tears he doesn’t deserve to shed, he is not the victim here, he’s the bad guy and bad guys don’t get to cry and be comforted.

_“Baby please tell me what’s wrong,”_

He shakes his head, unable to mutter a single word, he fears if he does he will just let everything go and completaly destroy what he has with Rubin because even when he knows he doens’t deserve him he still is selfish and wants him for himself, he doesn’t want to be left alone.

Not again.

_“Do you...not love me anymore?”_

The hurt and fear in Rubin’s voice makes Hangyeom look up quickly, the tears escaping him finally when he sees the heartache in Rubin’s brown eyes. He is quick to shake his head again, he can’t allow Rubin to think he doesn’t love him, because he does, for God’s sake he swears he loves him.

But he still feels guilt bubbling up in his heart and rushing through his veins because his feelings are not pure not matter how true they are. 

Hangyeom’s and Rubin’s romance started on the wrong foot. They had become friends through mutual friends in university –Minkyun and Hyojin were part of a group of friends that grew up together- but they stayed completely platonic almost all the way to their graduation.

Until one day Hangyeom’s boyfriend decided to pack his stuff and leave, an apology leaving his chapped lips as he simply watched Hangyeom’s heart break to pieces before turning around and never coming back.

Rubin was surprisingly the friend that was there the most for him, he was the one that stayed long sleepless nights with him giving him a shoulder to cry on. He was the one that made Hangyeom’s life gain back the colors that Sangwon had taken with him.

Even when he knew Rubin had been in love with someone else for ages he still asked him to be with him one desperate lonely night and Rubin had accepted. There was no way either of them could predict someone would see Rubin leaving the next morning and rumors to be spread until finding the male Rubin had been pining for so long.

He ruined them before they could properly start.

And then it had been Hangyeom the one to be there for Rubin just like he had been for him. All the while secretly being happy he had no one to worry about, no one was going to take Rubin away from him, he would not be left alone again.

But as years passed and they grew older his guilt grew too, he didn’t deserve Rubin’s sincere love, he had taken advantage of him, had used him to fill in the hole Sangwon had left.

A hole that sometimes opened slightly as he found himself remembering the days he spent with him, the countless nights spend talking about everything that crossed their minds, their never ending bickering that made their friends roll their eyes at them when Hangyeom would stop Sangwon’s whines with a kiss, he found himself missing the obnoxious laugh, he missed the passion and chemistry they had when intimate unlike anything he ever experienced.

Hangyeom had Rubin’s whole heart inside his hand while he was unable to give him all his heart because someone else had taken a piece of it with them.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments and kudos are always welcome!


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